redyogimom

Yoga, motherhood, badass awesome sauce and love


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Timing

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Timing is one of those things I’ve always been hyper-aware of. I’ve always rushed it too. If it wasn’t on my time then I didn’t want it or I allowed it to frustrate me to the point of exhaustion, I still catch myself there sometimes!

I saw a wreck the other day, everyone walked away, but I saw it happen, those split seconds before impact is torturous, hoping they can correct or fix their trajectory before the crash and being utterly hopeless in any of it. I’m sure many of my friends have felt this way while watching my life, I know I’ve felt this about observing others. Ultimately we survive, we may get banged up, bruised or worse but there is always something after, even in death.

I’m becoming so enthralled with finding happiness and joy that I’m attempting to allow the timing of that happiness become irrelevant. Feeling waves of bliss and gratitude allow bigger and more frequent waves of bliss and gratitude!Is this easy? Absolutely not! Totally worth it though! The emotions and stress have started to settle, yes I’ve done a lot of numbing but I’ve done even more feeling and healing! This time of year always brings up future, reflecting on what you’ve been through but more importantly what you’d like to manifest and create for the year to come.

Happiness, Joy, Abundance, Ease, Love, and Health!

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Ick season and how Elderberry Syrup can help!

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I’m sure you’ve all seen me posting about elderberry syrup. I’m in love with the stuff, but it never really occurred to me that most people have no idea what it is, how to take it and why you would even want to. So here goes:

Elderberry syrup is packed with high levels of vitamin C (lowers blood pressure and boost immune system), vitamin A (healthy eyes, teeth, hair, and skin), bioflavonoids (help maximize vitamin C absorption) and antioxidants (supports immune, respiratory, and nervous system functions)!

Elderberry Syrup helps balance blood sugar levels!

Elderberry is a natural diuretic and laxative!

Elderberry helps to shorten the duration of a cold or the flu with its high levels of anthocyanidins (found in berries, this antioxidant helps keep the nervous system, blood vessels and eyesight healthy)!

Elderberry syrup contains high levels of anti-carcinogens!

My elderberry syrup also contains echinacea (anti-inflammatory, immune booster, respiratory system booster and powerful anti-viral and anti-bacterial properties), Ginger (immune booster, anti-inflammatory, and digestive health), and local honey (boosts immune system, anti-fungal, bacterial, and viral properties, anti-carcinogen, helps support proper gut health)

Basically, elderberry syrup is a magical witch’s brew that not only shortens any sickness but used daily will help prevent you from even getting sick. preventative maintenance in the form of an elevated kidney, immune, nervous system function, and anti-aging benefits sounds like my cup of tea….er syrup!

I take 1 tsp daily when well and 1 tbs up to 3 times a day when sick!

You can find yours here (please note I sell only local, my elderberry syrup is 100% organic and must be refrigerated):

https://redyogimom.com/the-apothecary/


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ME TOO

I’m not even sure how to start or finish this and maybe that’s telling, but here it is. I am no stranger to abuse: neglect, abandonment, rape, loss, pain and trouble. I honestly don’t think anyone is. The problem is these words are too familiar, I’m sure they get their fair share of throwing around, but I’m even more sure they get their fair share of silence. I have never considered myself the silent, meek type by any stretch, and now that I’m raising four women you better be damned sure I’m outspoken about this,  but when my former employer grabbed my ass and thrust himself into my back, all in the name of honoring “the culture” of yoga, I about lost my shit. I’ve practiced yoga for 20, TWENTY, years, and taught it for almost 10, that happened to me in my SACRED space, on my mat. To add insult to injury I was fired for standing up, calling him out on his shit and drawing a line.

 

The problem is, that when it happened, I WAS silent. I immediately texted my partner of 5 years, and no surprise he wasn’t riled enough to come to my aid, my co workers were helpful but nothing happened, NOTHING HAPPENED TO HIM. There wasn’t a black hole to eat him up, he wasn’t arrested, he wasn’t even charged. NOTHING HAPPENED. Meanwhile in the months that followed, I watch my entire life implode, my career, my self worth, my life’s work, my marriage, my relationship to everything I had built and known, up to that point, no longer existed. Forget the fact that I was already a mother of 4, my youngest was only 4 months old, and I was suffering cruelly from postpartum  depression, perhaps I was an easy target. When he grabbed me, he awoke a beast, a goddess, akin to Kali, he crossed a line and that line, no matter how tired, depressed and exhausted I am, will be defended to the end. He’s no different though, Weinstein, Trump, insert any and every douche bag narcissist you’ve ever encountered in your life, they are all the same. They have different names, but are no different.

 

I have to tell you I’m tired of hearing “ME TOO”, the more appropriate thing to say is “who hasn’t” and that’s sad. We are giving up on our friends, we are giving up on our women, and we are giving up on raising our boys into real men, men that acknowledge vulnerability and honesty and realness as attributes.

So enough of the “me too” and enough of the ” who hasn’t”!!!

HOW THE FUCK DO WE FIX THIS?

I’m going to tell you how, by not being silent. By being brave, by saying no, by not sweeping it under the rug and by not allowing “locker room talk”! We raise our women strong, knowing how awesome and beautiful and worthy they are, and raising our men to also be kind and compassionate and vulnerable and by being honest ourselves! That’s how change happens. You stop allowing the things that start the landslide, it’s steep and fast and it takes your soul with it!

 


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Let go

Drink up baby doll
Mmm are you in or out
Leave your things behind
‘Cause it’s all going off without you
Excuse me, too busy oh, writing a tragedy
These mishaps you bubble wrap when
You’ve no idea what you’re like

so let go
And jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) yeah let go
And just get in
Oh it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it give
And it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can’t you see that all that stuff’s a sideshow
Such boundless pleasure
We’ve no time for later now
You can’t await your own arrival
You’ve twenty seconds to comply

so let go
And jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) yeah let go
And just get in
Oh it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

And jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) yeah let go
And just get in
Oh it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

Mmm the breakdown
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
Hey, the breakdown
So amazing, yeah
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

 

This life is a rollercoaster, hang on, let go, push yourself out into uncharted territory and pull yourself back into comfort.

 

What happens when you find a soul who is a complete stranger yet comforts you: body, mind and soul? It’s so much more difficult to let go of, yet so much more necessary to.

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I’m releasing you sir, you have and always will have my heart, but in the name of logic, I’m releasing you.

 

It’s funny but my thoughts are drawn to energy, as they would be, energy doesn’t die, or cease to exist, it just changes form. So as we inhale, exhale, hold and release, there energy is, there vibration is, there life is. Sometimes you learn what love is when you wound yourself a little, not intentionally, just a graze. It happens, we survive it somehow, it fucking hurts like hell though, 1733.


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Hope

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They say that when you’re happy you only hear the music and when you’re sad you hear the lyrics. What does it mean when you hear both?

That’s my life! Helpless romantic, stark realist and where do the two meet? Every second of every day and in my dreams. I create vivid worlds in my heart and mind and despite the difficulties I expect them to exist in the same plane! Tangible and emoted all at once, do you not want this too? A shakespeare play, within a mind fuck and an action thriller all at once? Romeo and Juliette meets inception meets Blade runner. I’ve written about discounting the fairy tales and while in the moment I agreed because I lost hope, but it’s been re-ignited. My fire isn’t bad, it isn’t something to be ashamed of and I deserve it, I want it. I want passion, sustainability and love, all at once and forever. Give me that or give me nothing and be sure you can give me that! I’m gaining the confidence needed to deny those temporary pleasures and the strength to hold out for the long term, I deserve it but more importantly my girls do!

Stability and assurance don’t come easily with romanticism, so does that have to die for me?

Do I teach my girls to follow their hearts or do I teach them to follow their minds? Or do I dare be brave enough to teach them BOTH!?


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Manifesting magic

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It’s no secret that life has been challenging lately. Stressful, hard, and full of surprises yet somehow, life has also been amazing! Last week was a difficult and stressful week. I made it though, and I experienced a lot of joy. I was able to broaden out of the muck and allow myself to see the light, I sat in solitude, I meditated, I basked in some breathtaking sunrises and sunsets, I worked and I spent time with my fairies. I made it through another month, and not just made it, but I felt it, I lived it and I prospered through! I celebrated this home with beautiful people, I felt loved and felt free. The further I walk this journey the more gratitude I’m filled with. I’m so lucky to have experienced the pain that ignited this growth, it’s allowed me to see what I’m made of, it’s taught me boundaries and a depth of love for myself I never thought could exist!


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Clarity

I got some much needed clarity today, day two of lawn mowing and it was glorious! Thursday mornings are the one morning I wake up slowly, no kids, just me and Murray. I drank my coffee on the back porch and then went to work. I don’t know if it was the smell of freshly cut grass and ivy, the way the sun looked almost gold flashing off the green or the stillness, but it all hit me that I’m ok. I’m ok. More than ok I’m amazing! I feel light and open and it has nothing to do with anyone or anything else! I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t ventured into victimhood territory, I’ve actually been there a lot lately but I’m attempting to get out and stay out.

Perspective is a funny thing, and when people take your words and flip their meanings it feels invasive, self centered and down right narcissistic. My past is that, my past. Once I cut someone out of my life, they stay there, OUT! No one got me to this place, I did, through trial, error, a lot of mistakes and a few happy accidents. I refuse to let anyone take credit for my work, my emotions, my words. Two things I esteem above all, honesty and integrity and if you lie to me, you’re done. If you neglect, withhold, and or try to shove your narcissist shit down my throat, you’ll never see or hear from me again.

 

I’m as transparent as they come and you’ll know exactly how I feel, I can’t hide it, good or bad. So if you’re sitting there wondering if this is about you, go throw some Carly Simon on and look in the mirror. None of this is about anyone one else other than me. If that makes me selfish then fine. This is my life, my space, my family and my blog, no one else gets to take credit or judge it. This is a space for me to express, freely, openly and completely unedited what I’m experiencing in the hopes that releasing it all will not only heal me, but allow others to heal as well. I’m not here to stroke egos, to be analyzed and or second guessed!

I’m so fortunate to have such an amazing framily and thank god, because when you can’t rely on your own mother and father to help you when you’re down, it gets lonely.

I’m going to end with gratitude because it’s the best way to start and to finish. I’m grateful for my gorgeous fairies, I’m grateful for my black and white puppy, I’m grateful for this beautiful house to raise them in, I’m grateful to do what I love, I’m grateful to be alive, I’m grateful for friends old and new, I’m grateful for a serendipitous meeting that filled my heart with more joy and happiness than I’ve felt in a long time, Arizona is too lucky to have you, I’m grateful for resilience and strength, it came to me by blood, ancestors long passed and those delightful whispers in my ear, I’m grateful for the tribe that helps keep me glued together, my girls, my acupuncturist, my yoga mat, and the guardians that probably have their heads in their hands 3/4 of the time, most of all for my heart, it hasn’t stopped beating and it continues to open, despite heart break, wider and deeper each time.