redyogimom

Yoga, motherhood, badass awesome sauce and love


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Plants and the seasons…

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Have you ever been in a no man’s land? You weren’t angry or particularly unhappy but there was an insatiable craving for something other than what you had. Enough OFF to be unnerving, like somehow you weren’t doing what you were meant to be or living up to your potential or something. So, I’m there, but add some guilt, shame, and disappointment with my own expectations and impulsiveness and for someone who usually flies by the seat of her pants and doesn’t give two shits, this is uncomfortable. I’m fortunate enough to have an amazing network of friends, they’ve been kind enough to humor me and listen to my insane ramblings, the truth is that no one else can get me through this slump except for myself. It’s time to get off this loop, it’s time to stop doing the same old shit, it’s time to change.

 

Elizabeth Gilbert poignantly pointed out, ” I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.”

 

I spent all week cleaning house, rearranging furniture, purging, cleaning out closets, donating extra stuff and filling my home with even more plants. I cared for my garden, I slept in when I could and I probably drank way too much beer. I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel, I just want to let go of the blockages and find my place.


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Don’t Stop

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I received my long awaited, new tarot cards in the mail today and it lit my heart on fire! Excited like a kid at Christmas I ripped the packaging open and thumbed through them! I pulled an 11 card cosmic draw and the last one hit me.

#11 Potential outcome- TRUST YOUR PATH (IF YOU KNEW YOU WOULD BE SUPPORTED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

No, I didn’t forget the caps were on, it’s just that important.

 

There is no wrong, there is no right. Did I have to experience death, pain, betrayal, abandonment, infidelity, abuse, loneliness, hurt, anger, stress?

YES

Lessons learned, tools garnished and a fresh path ahead.

Please don’t let fear stop you, please don’t lose your focus and please don’t ever stop wanting what you need or thinking you don’t deserve it. Strength and integrity is not housed in an Instagram feed, a hashtag, someone’s arms or in victimhood. It is forged in those small, consistent moments, often painful, often alone.


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Word of the week

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I was scrolling and came across a video of two mums talking about what was actually normal, there’s no manual or unfiltered script for what is normal as a mum. They proceeded to make me feel so much better about my me-ness and when they mentioned it’s ok to cry multiple times a day and even do so in public I was immediately transported to yesterday, after school in the grocery store with my big girls. They were having meltdowns and legitimately crying over the fact I was making them eat veggies for dinner, I hadn’t even mustered the energy to cook them yet and I was already getting a kickback. I can’t remember exactly what I said to them, but the gist was, “Oh my dear God, you’re lucky you have healthy, organic food, a mum who scrapes her ish together just enough to cook and sometimes do the dishes and so many kids don’t have either!” I may have managed to speak it as opposed to scream it too! I hear a sweet voice from the check out isle next to ours say, ” You’re an awesome mom”! I fucking lost it and started balling, then Amelie did, but I think it was because she didn’t want to eat the damn mushrooms, and it hit me so hard I could barely breathe. I have been doing this whole thing on my own for a year, exactly. There aren’t tap outs, ass smacks or “Babe you did a good job tonight” at my place and to have a stranger outright compliment me pierced my heart in such a beautiful way I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I don’t even know what my response to her was, other than to put my hand on my heart and mouth thank you, while I proceeded to break down like a toddler.

 

How often do we call out the beautiful things we see? Do we even comprehend how merely complimenting the smallest, most insignificant thing we see can drastically change someones day or week? That sweet woman did more for me in those few words than anyone has for me in a long time! It stirred something in me, a camaraderie a connection, we have to stick together, women, mothers, feeling, breathing, caring people. Our flaws and lost shit moments are what make us human and when we start trying to cover those things up we become no more than automated robots. Let’s be open and raw, let’s be loving, let’s have each others back!


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Shifting Gears

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Sometimes out of habit, force or pride, we continue doing things that just don’t serve us. Our intentions may be honorable and good but ultimately cause us lots of stress, anxiety, and pain. Guess what? We aren’t statues or trees, we can move, we can shift and we can reposition the loads we carry. Often that means releasing things, ideas, people and even places that don’t serve us. I can feel spring steadily on its way and my shedding process has begun, I’m clearing out and decluttering so I can be light, free and do the most good. This is a huge step for me, creating space for myself, without guilt and it feels absolutely amazing!


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Drop it off

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Like shedding snake skin, these things that happen naturally are meant. The mindset that the things destined for us will find us and the things that are meant to be short pit stops are there only to teach us a lesson, once they’re learned we can get back on the road is comforting. As humans, we get caught up in knowing why, when and how things have happened, are and will happen. This is our nature, it isn’t good or bad, it just is, there is hope to break the chains of fear, lean in and tap into love.

Lately, it’s been challenging for me to release, to let things be as they are and to let go of the death grip of control. None of us is in control, we’re literally tiny specs on a spinning planet, that’s floating in a galaxy, among trillions of other planets, we aren’t that special. Yet we have such great potential to touch others, to create warmth, connection, a safe space and to become a catalyst of hope. When we go that broad and general, somehow it all feels easier, gentler, happier.

So when your life feels like it’s falling apart (I’m an expert in this) and you feel like you simply will not make it, remember that you always have, and that’s a pretty good sign that you always will. Lighten the load, take off what you’re unnecessarily carrying, shed the skin, give yourself a pep talk and go find the magic! (If all of that sounds crazy, close your eyes, think of what makes you happy, note I didn’t say who, and go do that!)