redyogimom

Yoga, motherhood, badass awesome sauce and love


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Timing

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Timing is one of those things I’ve always been hyper-aware of. I’ve always rushed it too. If it wasn’t on my time then I didn’t want it or I allowed it to frustrate me to the point of exhaustion, I still catch myself there sometimes!

I saw a wreck the other day, everyone walked away, but I saw it happen, those split seconds before impact is torturous, hoping they can correct or fix their trajectory before the crash and being utterly hopeless in any of it. I’m sure many of my friends have felt this way while watching my life, I know I’ve felt this about observing others. Ultimately we survive, we may get banged up, bruised or worse but there is always something after, even in death.

I’m becoming so enthralled with finding happiness and joy that I’m attempting to allow the timing of that happiness become irrelevant. Feeling waves of bliss and gratitude allow bigger and more frequent waves of bliss and gratitude!Is this easy? Absolutely not! Totally worth it though! The emotions and stress have started to settle, yes I’ve done a lot of numbing but I’ve done even more feeling and healing! This time of year always brings up future, reflecting on what you’ve been through but more importantly what you’d like to manifest and create for the year to come.

Happiness, Joy, Abundance, Ease, Love, and Health!

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Let go

Drink up baby doll
Mmm are you in or out
Leave your things behind
‘Cause it’s all going off without you
Excuse me, too busy oh, writing a tragedy
These mishaps you bubble wrap when
You’ve no idea what you’re like

so let go
And jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) yeah let go
And just get in
Oh it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it give
And it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can’t you see that all that stuff’s a sideshow
Such boundless pleasure
We’ve no time for later now
You can’t await your own arrival
You’ve twenty seconds to comply

so let go
And jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) yeah let go
And just get in
Oh it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

And jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) yeah let go
And just get in
Oh it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

Mmm the breakdown
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
Hey, the breakdown
So amazing, yeah
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

 

This life is a rollercoaster, hang on, let go, push yourself out into uncharted territory and pull yourself back into comfort.

 

What happens when you find a soul who is a complete stranger yet comforts you: body, mind and soul? It’s so much more difficult to let go of, yet so much more necessary to.

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I’m releasing you sir, you have and always will have my heart, but in the name of logic, I’m releasing you.

 

It’s funny but my thoughts are drawn to energy, as they would be, energy doesn’t die, or cease to exist, it just changes form. So as we inhale, exhale, hold and release, there energy is, there vibration is, there life is. Sometimes you learn what love is when you wound yourself a little, not intentionally, just a graze. It happens, we survive it somehow, it fucking hurts like hell though, 1733.


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Manifesting magic

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It’s no secret that life has been challenging lately. Stressful, hard, and full of surprises yet somehow, life has also been amazing! Last week was a difficult and stressful week. I made it though, and I experienced a lot of joy. I was able to broaden out of the muck and allow myself to see the light, I sat in solitude, I meditated, I basked in some breathtaking sunrises and sunsets, I worked and I spent time with my fairies. I made it through another month, and not just made it, but I felt it, I lived it and I prospered through! I celebrated this home with beautiful people, I felt loved and felt free. The further I walk this journey the more gratitude I’m filled with. I’m so lucky to have experienced the pain that ignited this growth, it’s allowed me to see what I’m made of, it’s taught me boundaries and a depth of love for myself I never thought could exist!


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Clarity

I got some much needed clarity today, day two of lawn mowing and it was glorious! Thursday mornings are the one morning I wake up slowly, no kids, just me and Murray. I drank my coffee on the back porch and then went to work. I don’t know if it was the smell of freshly cut grass and ivy, the way the sun looked almost gold flashing off the green or the stillness, but it all hit me that I’m ok. I’m ok. More than ok I’m amazing! I feel light and open and it has nothing to do with anyone or anything else! I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t ventured into victimhood territory, I’ve actually been there a lot lately but I’m attempting to get out and stay out.

Perspective is a funny thing, and when people take your words and flip their meanings it feels invasive, self centered and down right narcissistic. My past is that, my past. Once I cut someone out of my life, they stay there, OUT! No one got me to this place, I did, through trial, error, a lot of mistakes and a few happy accidents. I refuse to let anyone take credit for my work, my emotions, my words. Two things I esteem above all, honesty and integrity and if you lie to me, you’re done. If you neglect, withhold, and or try to shove your narcissist shit down my throat, you’ll never see or hear from me again.

 

I’m as transparent as they come and you’ll know exactly how I feel, I can’t hide it, good or bad. So if you’re sitting there wondering if this is about you, go throw some Carly Simon on and look in the mirror. None of this is about anyone one else other than me. If that makes me selfish then fine. This is my life, my space, my family and my blog, no one else gets to take credit or judge it. This is a space for me to express, freely, openly and completely unedited what I’m experiencing in the hopes that releasing it all will not only heal me, but allow others to heal as well. I’m not here to stroke egos, to be analyzed and or second guessed!

I’m so fortunate to have such an amazing framily and thank god, because when you can’t rely on your own mother and father to help you when you’re down, it gets lonely.

I’m going to end with gratitude because it’s the best way to start and to finish. I’m grateful for my gorgeous fairies, I’m grateful for my black and white puppy, I’m grateful for this beautiful house to raise them in, I’m grateful to do what I love, I’m grateful to be alive, I’m grateful for friends old and new, I’m grateful for a serendipitous meeting that filled my heart with more joy and happiness than I’ve felt in a long time, Arizona is too lucky to have you, I’m grateful for resilience and strength, it came to me by blood, ancestors long passed and those delightful whispers in my ear, I’m grateful for the tribe that helps keep me glued together, my girls, my acupuncturist, my yoga mat, and the guardians that probably have their heads in their hands 3/4 of the time, most of all for my heart, it hasn’t stopped beating and it continues to open, despite heart break, wider and deeper each time.


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Friday list

Lucy

Starting a new tradition on the blog, every Friday, list of 10, stream of consciousness or just random thoughts, here goes….

1. Watching sweet Lucy sleep.
2. Had a full cup of hot coffee today, so amazing!
3. Woke up to my favorite person giving me a bear hug, no other way I want it.
4. Belly laughs this morning because Frank the Tank learned how to open the back screen door, what a goober
5. I have a few moments of quiet today and I’m soaking them up.
6. Laundry, yes more of it, but I remember when the girls and I used to have to go to the laundry mat, so I think it’s awesome to have a working washer and dryer and clean clothes.
7. Anticipation, the girls and I get to go hang out with my best friend and her girls today! Yay for girl time!
8. Effort and ease, this yoga principle pops up for me all the time, yes you have to exert effort but it doesn’t need to be a forcing or a grabbing, it can be easeful, gentle, it can be steady at times, or it can ebb and flow, it’s all in the mindset
9. Work, I’m always mentally working on expansion, but sometimes I just need to chill out
10. Love, gratitude, happiness