redyogimom

Yoga, motherhood, badass awesome sauce and love


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Plants and the seasons…

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Have you ever been in a no man’s land? You weren’t angry or particularly unhappy but there was an insatiable craving for something other than what you had. Enough OFF to be unnerving, like somehow you weren’t doing what you were meant to be or living up to your potential or something. So, I’m there, but add some guilt, shame, and disappointment with my own expectations and impulsiveness and for someone who usually flies by the seat of her pants and doesn’t give two shits, this is uncomfortable. I’m fortunate enough to have an amazing network of friends, they’ve been kind enough to humor me and listen to my insane ramblings, the truth is that no one else can get me through this slump except for myself. It’s time to get off this loop, it’s time to stop doing the same old shit, it’s time to change.

 

Elizabeth Gilbert poignantly pointed out, ” I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.”

 

I spent all week cleaning house, rearranging furniture, purging, cleaning out closets, donating extra stuff and filling my home with even more plants. I cared for my garden, I slept in when I could and I probably drank way too much beer. I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel, I just want to let go of the blockages and find my place.

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Don’t Stop

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I received my long awaited, new tarot cards in the mail today and it lit my heart on fire! Excited like a kid at Christmas I ripped the packaging open and thumbed through them! I pulled an 11 card cosmic draw and the last one hit me.

#11 Potential outcome- TRUST YOUR PATH (IF YOU KNEW YOU WOULD BE SUPPORTED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

No, I didn’t forget the caps were on, it’s just that important.

 

There is no wrong, there is no right. Did I have to experience death, pain, betrayal, abandonment, infidelity, abuse, loneliness, hurt, anger, stress?

YES

Lessons learned, tools garnished and a fresh path ahead.

Please don’t let fear stop you, please don’t lose your focus and please don’t ever stop wanting what you need or thinking you don’t deserve it. Strength and integrity is not housed in an Instagram feed, a hashtag, someone’s arms or in victimhood. It is forged in those small, consistent moments, often painful, often alone.


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Word of the week

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I was scrolling and came across a video of two mums talking about what was actually normal, there’s no manual or unfiltered script for what is normal as a mum. They proceeded to make me feel so much better about my me-ness and when they mentioned it’s ok to cry multiple times a day and even do so in public I was immediately transported to yesterday, after school in the grocery store with my big girls. They were having meltdowns and legitimately crying over the fact I was making them eat veggies for dinner, I hadn’t even mustered the energy to cook them yet and I was already getting a kickback. I can’t remember exactly what I said to them, but the gist was, “Oh my dear God, you’re lucky you have healthy, organic food, a mum who scrapes her ish together just enough to cook and sometimes do the dishes and so many kids don’t have either!” I may have managed to speak it as opposed to scream it too! I hear a sweet voice from the check out isle next to ours say, ” You’re an awesome mom”! I fucking lost it and started balling, then Amelie did, but I think it was because she didn’t want to eat the damn mushrooms, and it hit me so hard I could barely breathe. I have been doing this whole thing on my own for a year, exactly. There aren’t tap outs, ass smacks or “Babe you did a good job tonight” at my place and to have a stranger outright compliment me pierced my heart in such a beautiful way I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I don’t even know what my response to her was, other than to put my hand on my heart and mouth thank you, while I proceeded to break down like a toddler.

 

How often do we call out the beautiful things we see? Do we even comprehend how merely complimenting the smallest, most insignificant thing we see can drastically change someones day or week? That sweet woman did more for me in those few words than anyone has for me in a long time! It stirred something in me, a camaraderie a connection, we have to stick together, women, mothers, feeling, breathing, caring people. Our flaws and lost shit moments are what make us human and when we start trying to cover those things up we become no more than automated robots. Let’s be open and raw, let’s be loving, let’s have each others back!


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Timing

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Timing is one of those things I’ve always been hyper-aware of. I’ve always rushed it too. If it wasn’t on my time then I didn’t want it or I allowed it to frustrate me to the point of exhaustion, I still catch myself there sometimes!

I saw a wreck the other day, everyone walked away, but I saw it happen, those split seconds before impact is torturous, hoping they can correct or fix their trajectory before the crash and being utterly hopeless in any of it. I’m sure many of my friends have felt this way while watching my life, I know I’ve felt this about observing others. Ultimately we survive, we may get banged up, bruised or worse but there is always something after, even in death.

I’m becoming so enthralled with finding happiness and joy that I’m attempting to allow the timing of that happiness become irrelevant. Feeling waves of bliss and gratitude allow bigger and more frequent waves of bliss and gratitude!Is this easy? Absolutely not! Totally worth it though! The emotions and stress have started to settle, yes I’ve done a lot of numbing but I’ve done even more feeling and healing! This time of year always brings up future, reflecting on what you’ve been through but more importantly what you’d like to manifest and create for the year to come.

Happiness, Joy, Abundance, Ease, Love, and Health!


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Let go

Drink up baby doll
Mmm are you in or out
Leave your things behind
‘Cause it’s all going off without you
Excuse me, too busy oh, writing a tragedy
These mishaps you bubble wrap when
You’ve no idea what you’re like

so let go
And jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) yeah let go
And just get in
Oh it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it give
And it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can’t you see that all that stuff’s a sideshow
Such boundless pleasure
We’ve no time for later now
You can’t await your own arrival
You’ve twenty seconds to comply

so let go
And jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) yeah let go
And just get in
Oh it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

And jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
(So let go) yeah let go
And just get in
Oh it’s so amazing here
It’s all right
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

Mmm the breakdown
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown
Hey, the breakdown
So amazing, yeah
‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown

 

This life is a rollercoaster, hang on, let go, push yourself out into uncharted territory and pull yourself back into comfort.

 

What happens when you find a soul who is a complete stranger yet comforts you: body, mind and soul? It’s so much more difficult to let go of, yet so much more necessary to.

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I’m releasing you sir, you have and always will have my heart, but in the name of logic, I’m releasing you.

 

It’s funny but my thoughts are drawn to energy, as they would be, energy doesn’t die, or cease to exist, it just changes form. So as we inhale, exhale, hold and release, there energy is, there vibration is, there life is. Sometimes you learn what love is when you wound yourself a little, not intentionally, just a graze. It happens, we survive it somehow, it fucking hurts like hell though, 1733.


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Manifesting magic

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It’s no secret that life has been challenging lately. Stressful, hard, and full of surprises yet somehow, life has also been amazing! Last week was a difficult and stressful week. I made it though, and I experienced a lot of joy. I was able to broaden out of the muck and allow myself to see the light, I sat in solitude, I meditated, I basked in some breathtaking sunrises and sunsets, I worked and I spent time with my fairies. I made it through another month, and not just made it, but I felt it, I lived it and I prospered through! I celebrated this home with beautiful people, I felt loved and felt free. The further I walk this journey the more gratitude I’m filled with. I’m so lucky to have experienced the pain that ignited this growth, it’s allowed me to see what I’m made of, it’s taught me boundaries and a depth of love for myself I never thought could exist!


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Friday list

Lucy

Starting a new tradition on the blog, every Friday, list of 10, stream of consciousness or just random thoughts, here goes….

1. Watching sweet Lucy sleep.
2. Had a full cup of hot coffee today, so amazing!
3. Woke up to my favorite person giving me a bear hug, no other way I want it.
4. Belly laughs this morning because Frank the Tank learned how to open the back screen door, what a goober
5. I have a few moments of quiet today and I’m soaking them up.
6. Laundry, yes more of it, but I remember when the girls and I used to have to go to the laundry mat, so I think it’s awesome to have a working washer and dryer and clean clothes.
7. Anticipation, the girls and I get to go hang out with my best friend and her girls today! Yay for girl time!
8. Effort and ease, this yoga principle pops up for me all the time, yes you have to exert effort but it doesn’t need to be a forcing or a grabbing, it can be easeful, gentle, it can be steady at times, or it can ebb and flow, it’s all in the mindset
9. Work, I’m always mentally working on expansion, but sometimes I just need to chill out
10. Love, gratitude, happiness