From now on you’re going to hear my voice, not the voice of the person I think I should be, not the voice a mum is supposed to have, not the voice someone who wants a mate is supposed to have, but mine. She says “Fuck you” a lot, she does what she wants because her intuition is rarely wrong and she doesn’t give two shits what other people think or how they see her. I have had enough of playing small, I’ve had enough of being scared and I’ve had enough of trying to be what everyone else needs. I can tell other people how to be badasses all day long but when it comes to letting my warrior goddess out, I’ve become a chicken shit. I’ve let circumstances, mistakes and wrong turns get the best of me and pull me off balance, I’ve let other peoples irrational opinions of me become my truth and I’ve allowed people to take my magic.
It stops here, I get to rewrite, so here goes.
I’m an amazing mother who loves her kids more than life itself! Am I tough on them? Yes! Do I spoil them with material stuff? No! Do they know when they’ve made bad choices or fallen short of clearly communicated expectations? FUCK YES THEY DO! My job is not to look like the perfect mom or coddle them, my job is to love, nurture and prepare them for an extremely successful life without me!
I’m a good person, imperfect, raw, vulnerable and flawed, but still good! I don’t lie, cheat, or steal. I love too hard and sometimes too quickly, I’m loyal, kind and sometimes give too much and then feel resentful afterward. The problem with me is that I can tell when something is off when someone is being dishonest, and while I can’t read minds, I know enough to know when to walk away, I haven’t listened to that voice on three occasions and they all ended disastrously!
I’m strong, despite not having the family support system that most people have and even despite having that thrown in my face, I always seem to figure it out anyway. I’m fortunate enough to have a network of beautiful, wholehearted, caring people and it’s amazing! I’m strong because giving up or giving in just isn’t an option for me. I get deflated and exhausted as much as the next person but deep down, I’ve always felt lucky. I’ve been hurt, pushed and harassed enough in the last year to cover me for the rest of my life, I’ve almost given up a few times too. The thing is when a good, loyal person is pushed to that point and they get up, you had better run. No more smallness, no more wishy-washy people pleasing and no, I don’t care what you think!