I’m sitting in the middle of my living room, surrounded by boxes and filled with gratitude. I’m feeling waves of joy, sadness, excitement, worry, dread but most importantly of love. The beautiful souls who have waltzed into my life in the last few years have been too great and important to name or count. These beautiful faces show up, when needed most, some angels, some guardians, some family and friends but all essential to this life! It takes a village and I’ve leaned heavily on mine these last few months of transition. Only a few more sleeps in this place, I’m trying to honor it, let it be what it is, embracing the good that was had, releasing the bad.
While I was packing things up today I came across my rings, I honestly forgot where I had put them, but seeing them cracked me, It opened me, it wounded me even deeper than I thought any one object could and not because I miss the person who gave them to me, not because I want to get married again (I don’t), not because they stood for this facade of the perfect couple and family (that was as fake as the ring), but it rattled me so much because I’m still grieving, I’m still sad and I’m still really angry. The tears that streamed down my face and the cries that burst from my lungs were not that of a healed woman, I’m learning I’m not there yet. I’m learning I have a long way to go but I’m headed in the right direction.
The love that has been showered on me lately has helped to keep this heart open and this soul complete, I’m bruised and humbled but I’m here, present and accounted for. The life that gets nurtured and manifested is going to be one as epic and bold as the past should have been. With out fear, what ifs and restraint!