From the time I was a little girl, I wanted the fairy tale, insert handsome prince galloping towards me on his steed, saving the day, making me swoon and riding off into the sunset together (and my wagon full of kiddos and pups). I’m slowly allowing myself to wake up from that dream, it’s not going to happen. Instead I feel like I’m somewhere in the midst of dying from my battle wounds and or healing myself and driving the wagon myself. For the record I’m leaning strongly towards the later but this shit is exhausting and hard. I’m tired of going to battle everyday and am desperately wanting to keep my heart open but the armor is threatening bitterness and walls. So here it is.
I can save myself and don’t need a knight
I don’t want to be stifled or confined
My girls don’t need another father or anyone that could hurt them any more than they’ve been damaged, I will not let anyone else close to them and will fiercely protect the sacredness of our home.
I don’t want to settle for a life I don’t 100% love
I do crave affection, connection and the sense of being appreciated by someone, though if I’m honest with myself, I’ve never experienced that before.
I need stillness, The home that came to me is the beginning of stability, roots and groundedness and it is sacred
I need rest, sleep is eluding me and the sleep I do get isn’t restful
Now that the fairytale is dead, I have freedom, freedom to love my girls, be myself, live MY life and love on my terms