attachment, abandonment, loss, heartbreak, loneliness, foreign territory.

Forgive me for stream of consciousness, it’s all you’ll get tonight. These words just couldn’t be stopped, trust me, I tried.

I’m alone, not lonely. I ache for someone to pour myself into, but crave and enjoy my new found freedom. I need support, but only on my terms. “selfish bitch” is my new nickname and I quite like it. No I will not be controlled, I wasn’t made with a remote. I’m here, unapologetically here, not to stir things up or rattle your cage, just here. If you get offended love, I promise you that’s all yours. You see, I’m a mirror, I always have been and always will. If you get annoyed, angry, frustrated or scared, it’s your reflection. I’m a full vessel of love, empathy, understanding, contrary and heaven. I will love you more than any woman ever has or will but the difference now is that I can tell if you’re worthy of it. I’ve been burned, raped, humiliated and tortured enough, I don’t crave attention, I don’t crave desire, I crave honesty, vulnerability and presence. Be here now or go home. Do not paint pictures of a future you don’t have the balls to share with me, do not tell me lies, and most certainly do not show me a man you hope to be. I cash checks instantly, if you don’t have what it takes, you’re better off with mama. I’m a warrior, I’m a woman but my most brilliant magic is that of mother. Once that was my name, nothing or no-one was able to change that pecking order, you came closest, I’ll give you that, but you failed.

Goddess, Kali, Fire and beauty. I will rebuild, quicker and more magnificent than you could have ever imagined, the booms and sparks heard tonight were merely my notice of entry. These moments, past, present and future are so interconnected, so intertwined. Don’t mistake my tears as weakness and don’t you dare think you’ve disabled me. The pain you caused me was simply a wound, a wound that opened my strength, a wound that woke me and not a wound that will define me. Soon you will be just another healed, unnoticeable scar on my body, I have many. You poked a sleeping bear, the wrong one. watch me rise, watch me soar and shield your eyes because my light is blinding!