Yes, I’m still pregnant

Yes, I’ve tried everything except black/blue cohosh and castor oil (pineapple, walking, not walking, baths, tons of water, spicy thai and indian food, sex, relaxing, massage, meditation, sleep, not thinking about it, visualizing holding Lucy)

Yes, I’m losing my mind

I’ve been in labor since Saturday, that means I’m having contractions and back pain but my cervix isn’t dialating

I’m an awful mom and yelled at my girls this morning because despite only having to get up, put on the clothes I laid out for them and eat the ready made breakfast on the counter they were 10 minutes late walking out the door, meanwhile I couldn’t find an article of clothing to fit over my fat ass and I refuse to buy more maternity clothes

My uterus is holding my sweet baby hostage

All I really want to do is teach and practice yoga but i refuse to go to a studio because it’s the equivalent of torture (people asking why I’m still pregnant, if there are two or three babies in there, telling me their horror stories, giving me advice on how to get my pre-pregnancy body back, gee, I hope your belly button doesn’t stay like that, the looks- damn she’s gotten fat)

Being self employed and not working sucks, especially when I know I still have to recover, now at lightning speed, so I can pay rent next month.

Have you ever had a contraction? They hurt!

2, the number of times I’ve been to hospital and sent back home

No, I will not tell you how much I weigh

No, I can’t remember how to be a positive ball of sunshine right now, sorry

Fear, anxiety, stress, excitement, joy, frustration…..all of it

I wonder if I could just stay in bed until my water breaks or this baby decides to come out?

No, I’m not just sick of being pregnant, I’m petrified that I’m going to bleed out, that something is going to go wrong, that I won’t make it, I have legitimate health concerns and if one more person says she’ll get here when she gets here, I’m going to lose my sh*t!

I can’t even begin to explain to you how exhausting constant unproductive contractions are, imagine being zapped with a taser at the lowest level for a minute at a time, 5-8 minutes apart for 4 days then get back to me.

I’m annoying myself at this point

I’m pretty sure I’m annoying my dogs and my cat and possibly the goldfish too

I cry, a lot, but normally only in the shower or if I lock myself in time out in the bathroom

I really just want a big ass plate of sushi and a fish bowl of Sauvignon blanc

I’m ecstatically happy about being a mum, I love my husband ( who is a saint I may add), I adore my kids ( the furry ones included)

I have managed to actually keep my laundry room clean ( you can see the floor!)

I killed the dust bunnies under the couch!

In a fit of desperation I swept off the back patio for no reason two days ago and I might do it again today

Nah, I think I’ll take a nap