redyogimom

Yoga, motherhood, badass awesome sauce and love

Trust and Fear

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trust |trəst|

noun

1 firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something : relations have to be built on trust | they have been able to win the trust of the others.

  • acceptance of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation : I used only primary sources, taking nothing on trust.
  • the state of being responsible for someone or something : a man in a position of trust.
  • poetic/literary a person or duty for which one has responsibility : rulership is a trust from God.
  • poetic/literary a hope or expectation : all the great trusts of womanhood.

 

 

fear |fi(ə)r|

noun

an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat : drivers are threatening to quit their jobs in fear after a cabby’s murder | fear of increasing unemployment | he is prey to irrational fears.

  • archaic a mixed feeling of dread and reverence : the love and fear of God.
  • ( fear for) a feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety and well-being of someone : police launched a search for the family amid fears for their safety.
  • the likelihood of something unwelcome happening : she could observe the other guests without too much fear of attracting attention. 

Today was an full day, Full of growth, excitement, but like any day had a ton of personal challenges. Hence, trust and fear. Ever since I could remember I was afraid of being upside down, It’s a process. I even have proof, in the form of a video of a gymnastic themed birthday party and a horrible experience with the parallel bars. Let’s just saw if I don’t have at least one foot on the ground it’s a bad day. I had the huge pleasure of leading a class in the park today and a friendly yogi came up to us all after class and invited us in on some acro yoga love. We obviously jumped at the chance and before I knew it I was in salabasana in the air. As soon as the thought reached my head, I was upside down and spun around and instead of freaking out my heart exploded. In an instant my fear flung itself out the window and I was set free. It was liberating and exhilarating and I didn’t miss the fear at all! But here’s the question. I had no reason to trust this stranger, I knew him for two seconds, my experience with being upside down has been embarrassing and humiliating. What made me just drop what I was doing and say ok? This is where the light bulb went off. I’ve come to trust myself. (I’m just going to take a moment to look at those words) I’ve come to trust myself so much, that despite any situation, despite anyone, despite anything, I trust myself. I’m flawed, I fuck up, I’m a shitty mom sometimes, I’m a shitty friend, I do things with out thinking, I’m reckless, and stupid, and I do things that don’t make sense, I hurt people I love without meaning to. But deep down, at the core, I’m a good person, who loves unconditionally, and means well, and tries to make this a better, happier, healthier world. I say what I mean, even when I know my words will be twisted or ignored, I feel so deeply it hurts sometimes, and I’m not afraid to be vulnerable. I’m me. I’m honest to a fault, but know when it’s better to give up my ego for the greater good. But most importantly, today I learned, that freedom comes when you least expect it, but when it’s needed the most.

Author: redyogimom

I'm a mom, yogi, lover, artist, wanderer, reader, student, teacher, writer, traveler, searcher, lover of music, experience and light. I have no filter and refuse to grow one, I'm raw, honest, vulnerable and ecstatically happy.

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